THE FIGHT TESTIMONIES

 HI, MY NAME IS FRANKIE MANZANO. I'VE BEEN AN ADDICT FOR 17 YEARS. MY JOURNEY HAS BEEN TOUGH, BUT THROUGH THE SUPPORT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY, I AM STILL HERE TODAY. I GREW UP IN RIVERSIDE, CA. UNKNOWN TO ME AT THE TIME, RIVERSIDE WAS THE DRUG CAPITAL OF THE UNITED STATES! EVERY MAJOR FREEWAY TO GET ANYWHERE IN THE USA IS LOCATED IN OUR COUNTY. I WAS A PRODUCT OF THE OPPORTUNITIES AROUND ME. COMING FROM A FAMILY OF HUSTLERS, I DID WHAT CAME NATURALLY AND HIT THE STREETS TO MAKE A NAME FOR MYSELF AT A VERY YOUNG AGE. AROUND THAT TIME, I WAS INTRODUCED TO OPIATES. LIKE MOST PEOPLE, THE FEELING THEY GAVE ME WAS UNDESCRIBABLE. I FELT LIKE I COULD DO MORE WHEN I WAS ON THE PILLS. MY WORK ETHIC WAS GOOD, BUT ON THESE PILLS, IT WAS UNMATCHED. NO ONE COULD OUTWORK ME. AS A YOUNG KID WHOSE GRANDPA TOLD HIM AT A YOUNG AGE "DREAMS WERE FOR SUCKERS AND THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD IS HARD WORK.". I FELT LIKE THESE PILLS GAVE ME THE EDGE I NEEDED. BEING SO YOUNG AND WITH NO EDUCATION ON OPIATES OUT THERE, THIS IS THE TIME WHEN THEY WOULD GIVE ANYONE A SCRIPT. YOU COULD HAVE HEADACHES, AND THEY WOULD GIVE THEM TO YOU. I BECAME ADDICTED LIKE SO MANY OTHERS. THE FEELING WAS FLEETING, AND I STARTED TO TAKE MORE AND MORE TO KEEP THAT COMPETITIVE EDGE. I WORKED HARD AND THOUGHT IT WASN'T A PROBLEM. I WASN'T HURTING NOBODY. SLOWLY, MY AND MY FRIEND'S ADDICTION TO THESE PILLS BECAME OUT OF CONTROL. STRONGER OPIATES WOULD HIT THE STREETS, AND WITH IT, I WATCHED MY FRIENDS START TO DROP. ONE AFTER ANOTHER. I PROMISED MYSELF I WOULD NEVER GET TO THIS POINT. NOW, AFTER MANY YEARS OF TAKING THESE PILLS, WHAT ONCE SEEMED SO INNOCENT TURNED DARK. THE LIFE OF AN ENTREPRENEUR HAS MANY UPS AND DOWNS. AFTER MANY SUCCESSES AND LESSONS LEARNED, I DECIDED I WANTED TO CHANGE MY LIFE. I STARTED TO RESEARCH WAYS TO GET OFF THESE PILLS WITHOUT GOING TO REHAB. I HAD HIDDEN MY ADDICTION FROM EVERYONE. MY ADDICTION, WITHOUT MY NOTICING, HAD TURNED ME FROM A FUN, OUTGOING KID TO A WORKAHOLIC WITH VERY FEW FRIENDS, DISTANCING MYSELF FROM MY FAMILY. I ALWAYS BLAMED MY DISTANCE ON WORK, BUT I DID NOT WANT PEOPLE TO SEE MY ADDICTION. I WORKED HARD AND WAS A RESPECTABLE GUY, SO FOR PEOPLE TO FIND OUT I WAS AN ADDICT WOULD BE A BLOW TO MY EGO THAT I COULDN'T HANDLE AT THAT TIME IN LIFE. I OFTEN SAY THESE DAYS THAT THE FIRST 7 YEARS OF MY ADDICTION WERE A BLAST, BUT THE LAST 10 WERE HELL ON EARTH. AS I STARTED TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO BEAT THIS ADDICTION AND WATCHED THE OPIATE CRISIS KILL MORE AND MORE OF MY FRIENDS, I REALIZED THAT IT WASN'T GOING TO BE EASY. AT THIS POINT, I HAD HIT A LOW AND FIGURED I'D FORCE MYSELF TO GET A REGULAR JOB. MAYBE NOT HAVING THE STRESS OF BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR WOULD MAKE IT EASIER TO TRY AND WEAN ME OFF THE PILLS. I MADE IT 6 MONTHS AFTER I GOT THE JOB, THEN WENT STRAIGHT BACK TO IT. THOUGH I WAS DOING WELL AT MY JOB AND GOT PROMOTED, I TRICKED MYSELF INTO BELIEVING THAT AS LONG AS I MAINTAINED MY ADDICTION, IT WASN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL. NO ONE KNEW, SO WHAT DID IT MATTER? THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE WORST OF MY OPIATE ADDICTION. MY TOLERANCE STARTED TO SKYROCKET, AS WELL AS MY SUCCESS. I HAD NOW GONE FROM I WOULD NEVER TAKE THE PILLS THAT HAD KILLED SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS TO WELL, IT'S BETTER TO TAKE ONE PILL THAN 15 OF THE OTHER PILLS. AND THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. THE ADDICTION WILL ALLOW YOU TO RATIONALIZE ANYTHING TO FEED ITSELF TILL IT ROBS YOU OF EVERYTHING. MY STORY IS NOT LIKE MOST. I NEVER STOLE, AND I ALWAYS WORKED HARD. I HAD SEEN SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS HIT ROCK BOTTOM, AND THAT FEAR DROVE ME TO MAKE SOME VERY BAD DECISIONS. ONES THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN MY FREEDOM AWAY. MY ADDICTION DIDN'T CARE. IT WOULD RATIONALIZE EVERYTHING TO FEED ITSELF. AT THE SAME TIME, I HATED THAT I NEEDED OPIATES TO FUNCTION; THEY CONSUMED ME. EVERY DAY WAS A CHASE TO MAKE SURE I HAD THEM. IT BECAME EXHAUSTING. THE ONE THING THAT MATTERED OTHER THAN WORK WAS TO MAKE SURE I COULD AFFORD THE HABIT. I CUT OFF ALL TIES WITH FRIENDS AND STOPPED GOING OUT TO SOCIALIZE BECAUSE I NEEDED THAT TIME TO FIND THESE PILLS. AND I WOULD DO WHATEVER IT TOOK TO GET THEM. DEPRESSION WOULD SET IN FROM TIME TO TIME, AND I WOULD LOOK UP WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO BEAT THIS DISEASE. BUT STILL COULD NOT HAVE ANYONE KNOWING. I WAS DOING SO WELL THAT I COULDN'T HAVE ANYONE FIND OUT WHAT I WAS DOING TO KEEP UP WITH MY WORK ETHIC. MY BODY WAS FALLING APART, SO I WAS CONSUMING MORE AND MORE. THE PILLS WERE NOW CAUSING ME PAIN, BUT I WOULD GET SICK WITHOUT THEM. I REMEMBER TELLING MY DAD I WANTED TO GO ON AN IOWASKA RETREAT. I WANTED TO TRAVEL SOMEWHERE AND BECOME A MORE SPIRITUAL PERSON, BUT IT WAS REALLY TO TRY AND FIGHT MY ADDICTION WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING. THOUGH MY ADDICTION WAS BAD, I STILL MANAGED TO WORK HARD AND WAS GIVEN A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO BUILD MY DREAM BUSINESS DURING THE PANDEMIC. AT THIS POINT, THEY HAD CRACKED DOWN ON OPIATES SO BADLY THAT FINDING REAL PILLS WAS IMPOSSIBLE. FAKE FENTANYL-PRESSED PILLS BECAME THE ONLY CONSISTENT OPTION. MORE OF MY FRIENDS WERE DYING. AROUND 26 PEOPLE I HAD GROWN UP WITH, NOT ALL FROM OPIATES BUT FROM VARIOUS TYPES OF ADDICTION. YOU WOULD THINK THIS WOULD STOP ME, BUT I CONTINUED. THE INCONSISTENCY OF THE PRESSED PILLS BECAME ANNOYING. WITH MY ADDICTION MAKING ALL MY LOGICAL DECISIONS, I HAD TOLD MYSELF IT WAS JUST BETTER TO DO PURE FENTANYL, NOT PRESSED PILLS. PURE FENTANYL POWDER THAT THEY USE TO MAKE THE PRESSED PILLS WAS CHEAPER AND MORE CONSISTENT. KNOWING FULL WELL THAT ONE WRONG DOSE WOULD END MY LIFE. I DID NOT CARE. ALL THESE YEARS, I HAVE CHASED THE VISION I HAD FOR MY LIFE, WHAT I THOUGHT WAS SUCCESS IN MY BOOK. I WAS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO GET IT. WELL, I WASN'T PREPARED FOR WHAT I WOULD REALIZE NEXT. AFTER GETTING EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT, A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OF MY DREAMS, A ROLEX, AND A NICE HOME FULL OF ALL THE THINGS ONE COULD WANT. I HAD NEVER FELT MORE DEPRESSED. ALL THE THINGS THAT I WORKED SO HARD FOR. THE THINGS THAT I THOUGHT WOULD BRING ME HAPPINESS. LEFT ME FEELING EMPTY AND ALONE. I HAD NO ONE TO SHARE ALL THE SUCCESSES WITH. MY ADDICTION HAD BECOME SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T ALLOW MYSELF TO ENJOY ANYTHING. IT WAS A DARK PLACE TO BE. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP. BUT ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY CAME. SOMETHING I FELT I NEVER DESERVED BECAUSE OF MY ADDICTION. I HAD MET THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS. SHE WAS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER ASK FOR. SHE WORKED HARD LIKE ME. SHE SHARED THE SAME INTERESTS AS ME AND SUPPORTED ALL THE IDEAS I HAD, BUT I WAS STILL HIDING MY ADDICTION FROM HER. AFTER ABOUT A YEAR, THERE WAS NO GETTING AROUND IT. I HAD TO TELL HER MY DARK SECRET. AND MY ADDICTION BEING WHAT IT WAS, I SAT HER DOWN AND RATIONALIZED IT TO HER, AND SHE, BEING THE AMAZING WOMAN SHE WAS, REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON ME. INSTEAD, SHE SUPPORTED ME AND DID NOT JUDGE ME, BUT HOW LONG COULD THAT LAST? AS TIME WENT ON, OPIATES CONTINUED TO CLAIM THE LIVES OF MY FRIENDS. IT WASN'T TILL MY PARTNER'S BROTHER AND ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, JIMMY, PASSED AWAY THAT THINGS HIT ME AND THE PEOPLE AROUND ME HARDER. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THINGS COULDN'T GET WORSE, THE WOMAN I LOVED STARTED COPING WITH MY ADDICTION BY THROWING HERSELF IN HERS. AT THIS POINT, I WAS WATCHING IT ALL BURN DOWN AROUND ME. HER AND ME, DESTROYING OUR LIVES, STARTED TO AFFECT THE BUSINESS AND PEOPLE AROUND US. IT HAD NOW BECOME OBVIOUS THAT SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT. I STARTED TO BECOME MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED, AND MY ADDICTION BECAME WORSE AND WORSE. AT THE END OF IT, I STOPPED CARING. NOTHING BROUGHT ME JOY. I HAD EVERYTHING I COULD EVER ASK FOR, BUT MY OPIATE ADDICTION WAS DESTROYING IT ALL. IT TOOK THE WOMAN I LOVED FROM ME. AFTER MANY ATTEMPTS TO GET ME HELP AFTER JIMMY PASSED, THE PERSON I CALLED, MY BROTHER, WAS NERVOUS I WOULD BE THE NEXT TO GO. LET ME TELL YOU, THEY SAY WHEN YOU LOSE IT ALL AND HAVE NOTHING ELSE, IT'S A SCARY PLACE TO BE. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT WHEN YOU HAVE IT ALL AND YOU CAN'T FIND ANY HAPPINESS, IT IS JUST AS SCARY. THERE IS NO POINT IN ANYTHING ANYMORE. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED, AND IT STILL WON'T BRING YOU THE SATISFACTION THAT YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD. ON NOV 12, 2024, I DECIDED THAT I WAS GOING TO GO OUT ON MY TERMS OR FIND A PLACE THAT COULD HELP ME. AFTER ATTEMPTING TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND FAILING, I WAS ADMITTED TO THE FIRST REHAB FACILITY. NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT REHAB, I DID NOT GO TO THE BEST PLACE POSSIBLE. I WAS JUST DESPERATE TO GET HELP. THE FIRST PLACE WAS A SCAM. WITH AN OPEN MIND, I WENT THERE LOOKING FOR HELP, AND THEY PUMPED ME FULL OF PSYCH MEDS AND THREW ME IN A ROOM FOR 7 DAYS WITH NO EDUCATION ON MY ADDICTION. AFTER 10 DAYS, I WAS LET GO AND CONTINUED ON MY MEDS. WANTING TO BE SOBER SO BADLY, I CONTINUED TAKING THE MEDICATION, BUT SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT. I COULD BARELY PUT ON A SHIRT. I WAS SO CONFUSED; WORDS WERE HARD TO FIND. DOING THE MOST BASIC OF THINGS BECAME VERY DIFFICULT. AND FOR ME, A GUY WHO COULD BUILD AND DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO, IT WAS HARD TO ACCEPT THAT THIS WAS MY NEW REALITY. IS THIS WHAT SOBRIETY LOOKS LIKE? AFTER RUNNING OUT OF MY MEDS AND CALLING THE REHAB CENTER AND BEING TOLD GOOD LUCK UNLESS YOU WANNA COME BACK AND PAY US ANOTHER 5 GRAND, I WAS OUT OF OPTIONS. I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT I WAS BETTER OFF ON DRUGS ACCOMPLISHING TASKS RATHER THAN BEING SOBER AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THE MOST BASIC OF TASKS. SO I RELAPSED 2 DAYS OF HELL AND ALMOST ODING I BROKE DOWN AND WAS BACK TO I'M JUST GONNA END IT AND FADE OUT OR GOD WILL SEND ME A SIGN. NO LONGER TRYING TO HIDE, I CONTACTED MY FAMILY AND THE PEOPLE WHO CARED ABOUT ME AND TOLD THEM MY STORY. MOST WERE SHOCKED, BUT I WAS GIVEN THE SUPPORT I NEEDED. DESPERATE TO FIND A GOOD REHAB, I CALLED MANY PLACES. AFTER SPEAKING WITH A LADY, SHE TOLD ME NOT TO GIVE UP AND THAT SHE WOULD HAVE SOMEONE CALL ME BACK. TO MY SURPRISE, I RECEIVED A CALL TWO DAYS LATER AND WAS TAKEN TO THE PLACE THAT WOULD SAVE MY LIFE. MICHAEL'S HOUSE IN PALM SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA. I DID NOT KNOW IT AT THE TIME, BUT GOD HAD GIVEN ME A SIGN, AND HE WAS WELL ON HIS WAY TO SAVING MY LIFE AND GIVING ME THE HAPPINESS I HAD ALWAYS BEEN SEARCHING FOR. AFTER 3 DAYS OF CONSISTENT ACTIVITIES AND THERAPY, THE DOC HAD FIGURED OUT THAT THE PSYCH MEDS THAT THE FIRST REHAB HAD GIVEN WERE MAKING ME SO I COULD NO LONGER FUNCTION NORMALLY. THIS MAN HAD SAVED MY LIFE. TWO DAYS LATER, MY MOTOR FUNCTIONS HAD COME BACK. MY SPEECH WAS NORMAL, AND I FELT GREAT. I FELT THAT IF THIS IS HOW SOBRIETY FEELS, I WILL BE OK. GOING THROUGH ALL THE THERAPY MADE ME REALIZE MANY THINGS, BUT ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IT MADE ME REALIZE IS THAT GOD AND FAMILY ARE THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER. GOD WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD EVER WANT. NOW THAT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MY FAMILY WAS BACK ON POINT, I WAS READY TO ASK FOR THE ONE THING I MISSED MOST. THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WOMAN I LOVED. WE HAD NEVER GIVEN UP ON EACH OTHER. SO, WITH A NEWFOUND HOPE, I REACHED OUT AND ASKED HER ON A HIKE. KNOWING THIS BROUGHT US A LOT OF JOY IN THE PAST. AFTER THAT HIKE, I TOLD HER HOW I HAD FOUND HAPPINESS AND THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS, IF YOU PUT YOUR FAITH IN GOD, HE WILL SHOW YOU HAPPINESS. I TOLD HER ABOUT AA AND NA. I CASUALLY ASKED IF SHE WOULD EVER BE OPEN TO MEETING, AND TO MY SURPRISE, SHE WAS. TO THIS DAY, WE HAVE NOT LEFT EACH OTHER'S SIDE. NOT ONLY THAT, GOD DECIDED TO GIVE US A CHILD, A SON. NOW, IF YOU READ THIS STORY, THE ONE PART I LEFT OUT IS THAT I NEVER FELT WORTHY OF BEING A FATHER BECAUSE OF MY ADDICTION. NOW, BEING FREE FROM MY ADDICTION AFTER A 17-YEAR-LONG BATTLE, GOD HAS GIVEN ME EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR AND EVEN THE THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED. THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL, MY SON. THE LAST THING I CAN SAY IS THAT NOTHING IN THIS LIFE COMES EASY, SO GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING, AND FOR ONCE I'M CHOOSING LIFE! THANKS TO THE FIGHT AND ALL THE SUPPORT THOUGH THIS THING WE CALL LIFE.